Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
There was a sudden flash of an arrow past 21 year old, Maria Sanchezes face as she moved from the corner she had hidden herself in. Her excellent reflexes had saved her from a near fatal death as she ducked back behind a wall. "Shit,he had her pinned." she thought as she heard her friend Roberts laugh. "Whats the matter Maria, A little to close for comfort?" He laughed again. Maria rolled her eyes and smiled, she suddenlly shot out of her hiding place and rolled to the nearby tree. Another arrow shot past her, she guided her eyes to location of the shot and spotted Robert. He was standing between two trees, she carefully took aim and let her arrow fly. "Bullseye." She said as she heard Robert cry out in half in pain and half in anger. "Damnit, you beat me again." He yelled coming out from behind the tree pulling the arrow from his right shoulder. "Your improving well." he said to her a look of dissapointment on his face. "No, your just getting to old." she replied jokingly. A smirk crossed his red lips,"What am I going to do with you?" he asked putting his hand on her shoulder. Maria laughed and said "Well you can reclaim victory if you win this race." She then took off lighting speed. Robert laughed and chased after her knowing he could never catch her. They came up on the impound her coven hide in, but when she they got near Maria felt as if something were wrong. Her worst fears were confirmed when she noticed Victor, the leader of the coven near the Transylvania border. "Mistress Maria." he greeted her. She nodded, "Is something wrong?" she asked him. He nodded, "May I talk to you in private?" Maria nodded and handed Robert her bow and arrows. She then said,"Come lets walk this way." He followed her and as soon as they were out of ears reach he began. "You are in grave danger." "From who?" Maria asked.
Well before we get into the story itself I have to start out here by saying that you need to look into adding a few paragraphs into the mix here. As it stands at the moment, this is one large blob of text and that seriously impacts the flow of this piece and makes it a bit harder to follow than it needs to be. So just splitting this up along all the dialogue and those semi transition like points would be a good addition.
So moving past that little issue, this is a lovely scene to start proceedings off here. I think the touch of action there with the promise of a bit of hidden backstory just lurking in the shadows comes together really well in terms of immediately dragging us readers right into the story. The little trick there of making it seem as if there's some genuine danger only for it to be a friendly game is a pretty neat one as well and we get a sense of the friendship these two share as well. So overall, besides the paragraph situation, I think this makes for a pretty solid first bit here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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